In This Moment
by Twinflower
Summary: Seth and Ryan are pondering their relationship.


Author's Notes: Seth and Ryan are in their early twenties. Seth is single and Ryan is involved with a woman. Inspired by Antti Tuisku's song _"Savuna ilmaan"_.

* * *

Seth glanced at the clock on the night stand: 4:53. The first rays of sunshine were peeking through the blue curtains. Seth smiled when he realized Ryan was still at his side. _'You weren't a dream after all,'_ Seth thought. He was all quiet and just watched Ryan. _'He has such a beautiful neck. And shoulders. And that cute curl behind his ear.'_ Finally Seth had to touch him and when Ryan felt his touch, he smiled but didn't open his eyes; nevertheless Ryan pulled Seth to him. Seth felt like home in Ryan's arms. _'I won't let this dream go up in smoke. I won't let go,' _Seth thought holding Ryan tightly.

Both Seth and Ryan knew that what they were doing was forbidden, but they also knew they couldn't undo what they had done. Their feelings for each other grew stronger every day and they both knew things couldn't go on like this forever.

Seth woke up to a little sound; Ryan was picking up his wrinkled clothes from the floor. Although this wasn't the first time, Seth had to fight against tears; he couldn't believe Ryan was leaving again. Leaving _him_ again. Recently Seth had realized this moment was getting more and more difficult. For both of them. All Seth wanted was Ryan to stay. Was it too much to ask? The worst thing Seth knew was to lie in bed alone. Well to be exact, he hated lying in bed without _Ryan_. Seth looked at the clock again, it was almost nine. He knew Ryan had some explaining to do when he got home. Home… Ryan's home was with Seth, not with _her_. Seth wanted to pressure Ryan to talk to his girlfriend and end their relationship but he was afraid that if he did that, he might lose Ryan forever. He knew that Ryan needed time. But how long could he wait? How long _should_ he wait? What if Ryan wouldn't take that crucial step ever? They had been seeing each other over two months already. And we can't forget all the time they lived in the same house at Cohens'. Although it was far more serious now.

Ryan sat on the bed, gave Seth a weak smile and kissed him once more. With a deep sigh, Ryan left and closed the door behind him. No words were exchanged. Seth looked at the door for a minute like he was waiting for something to happen. Nothing. All was quiet. No Ryan. Nothing. Seth knew Ryan would come back to him; but when, that he didn't know.

**Later that same day**

Seth was sitting on the couch absent-mindedly watching TV when the doorbell rang.

_'Go away, whoever you are. I don't want to talk __to or see anyone,' _Seth thought.

There was a brief pause but then the doorbell rang again.

"For fuck's sake! What's so damn important?" Seth mumbled walking towards the front door. "What do you…" Seth exclaimed when he ripped the door open but didn't finish his sentence. "Ryan!"

Seth stared at Ryan who had his sports bag on his shoulder. Seth was too afraid to even think about what that meant.

"Hey," Ryan said.

"Umm… hi. What are you doing here?"

"Can I come inside?"

"Oh, of course," Seth said and stepped aside to let Ryan in.

Ryan put his bag on the floor and turned to Seth. "So, I talked to Susan. It was awful although I think she kinda already knew. It's over. We're over."

Seth's heart made a little jump but he was afraid to be happy yet. "So… what now?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, I'm here and I'd like to stay. For good."

Seth couldn't believe his ears. "Stay? For good?" he asked amazed.

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, stay for good. I mean if you still want me," he said looking a bit worried.

Seth let out a breath he had been holding. "Of course I want you!" he exclaimed and threw himself into Ryan's arms and kissed him with passion. Tears of joy were running down Seth's cheeks when he pulled away from Ryan. "You really are here."

Seth held Ryan for dear life. "I will never let you go again. Never."

Ryan smiled. This is where he was meant to be.

All of a sudden Seth's cell rang.

"I can't believe this! Not now." Seth sighed and let Ryan go to get his phone from the table. "It's mom. Moms have radars, you know."

Ryan felt warm inside when he thought about Kirsten. She was always so much more a mother to him than his own mother ever was.

"Hi Mom. --- Yeah, I'm fine. --- Dinner on Sunday? Yeah, sure. --- Yeah, that's fine. --- Mom, can I bring someone with me?" Seth asked a bit nervously.

Ryan cocked his eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's a he," Seth said into the phone and smiled at Ryan. --- "You'll see. --- You'll like him, I guarantee that. --- Okay, I'll see you on Sunday. --- Love you too. Bye!" Seth turned to Ryan. "So, I hope you don't have any plans for Sunday."

"I guess I have now," Ryan said grinning.

"Absolutely."


End file.
